Its not easy being
a fulltime working mother - not only do we have to cope with the pressures of
work, but we also have a house and family to run and we live with the guilt that we're not doing any of it well enough. I'm sorry if you think the
title of this post is a bit sexist - don't fathers need coping strategies too?
Yes I'm sure they do, but I'm not a father, so I can’t comment on that. My
husband works incredibly hard and he has his own coping strategies which are
very different to mine. He works long hours and often 7 days a week in a very
physically demanding job, so the running of the household (cleaning, cooking,
shopping, washing and finances) is down to me as is the day-to-day sorting of
the kids (remembering things for school, lifts to parties, activities, doctors
appointments etc). Being a mother of 5 and running a house the size of a
football pitch (no really, I'm not joking) is a fulltime job in itself - you
have no idea how much washing my family generate for a start, so its a small
miracle I manage to fit in working full time running our garden centre and
landscaping business too. I give a
snapshot of my life in this post A Day in the life of a Mother in France Oh, and then there's the gardening club we
run and the students I find host families for from time to time and then of
course I have our 3 holiday apartments to manage. No wonder I'm finding it difficult to squeeze a bit of blogging
in too, oh and what's happened to my book… it’s a work in progress!
So, what's my
secret? How do I manage to keep going without buckling under the pressure. Well
I'm far from perfect and sometimes I do buckle - there are times when I snap and
scream and very occasionally I get to the point where I think I can't take any
more, but usually I carry on regardless and still manage to enjoy life on the
way.
Manage your Time Wisely
One of my biggest
coping strategies is planning ahead, prioritizing and saving time wherever
possible. I write lists, lots of them. I have so many things to remember it
would be impossible to recall them all without writing them down. I have a
daily to do list for work and one for home. Then I have longer term to do lists
- things that need doing but aren't urgent. Then I have a shopping list, meal
planner list for the week and lots of specific project lists for work and home.
I have them all listed on my blackberry so whenever something pops into my head
that needs doing or perhaps a good idea about something, ill just add to the
list or make a new one. I have about 14 lists on the go at the moment.
Sometimes, if I've got time, I'll write the daily to do list on a notepad I keep
in my handbag. I find it very satisfying crossing off the list and it helps me
to keep referring to it throughout the day to keep me from getting side tracked
onto something non essential. I explain a bit more about my Time Management Strategies in
this post Step 10 - Use Your Time Wisely
Focus on the job in hand
Because I have so
many roles, I have to try focus on whatever I'm doing fully. For instance, when
I'm at work I have to forget about home and kids and concentrate fully on what
I have to get done at the office. Come 6pm I have to switch into mother mode
and start thinking about picking the kids up, shopping, what to make for tea
etc. When I'm at home I have to try to switch off from work and concentrate on
the house and family. It’s not easy,
but I find its the only way I can get anything done.
Be realistic
Set yourself
realistic goals and do the essentials first. Don't try to do too much. I'm a
bit of a perfectionist in my work, but I have to accept that not everything can
be perfect all the time. When you have
too many things to do and not enough time to do them all, you have to put the
most important and urgent first and the non essentials have to be left to when
you have more time. (Sometimes I find if I
leave them long enough, by the time I get round to doing them they don’t need doing any more!)
Routine
I'm not a great
lover of routine, but I must admit that where there is routine in my life,
things work out more smoothly.
Particularly with a large family its important that everyone knows what
they are doing and when. We have a daily routine which is more or less stuck
too - that's not to say were rigid about it because it’s important to have some
spontaneity in your life, but general routines help us to cope when there's a
lot to do and children definitely respond better to routines.
Find time for yourself
If you’re working
and running a family and home it’s difficult to find time to yourself but it's really important you try. I've found that by finding some time to do things I want to do rather than things I have to do, it helps me to cope better with everything. My husband takes the kids to school on his way to work most days which
gives me a vital hour before I leave for work to tidy up and get myself prepared for the day. Monday is also my
day off which gives me chance to catch on chores without the kids home and I always try to find
some time during that day to do something I enjoy. (see my post Step
7 – Find Time for yourself.)
Ignore what's unimportant
My house is not
spotless, my office is often messy, I've got papers piled up that need sorting
and my washing baskets are always overflowing. I'm not super woman and I can't
fit another thing into my day without collapsing with exhaustion. I've had to
become blinkered to the non essential and stop worrying about what others think
of me. There are times when it gets to me - especially when I get some
criticism from someone who should know better. I do what I can with the time
that I've got and if that's not enough, then tough!
Don't just cope, get help
Working mothers
are the unsung heroes of society. We work, we cook, we clean, we manage our families,
often the household finances and mostly single handedly (even if we do have
partners). Not only do we usually do all these things unquestioningly but we
also feel guilty about asking for help, like it makes us seem bad mothers
or wives if we admit to the fact we need help.
Why??? Yes its important to find coping strategies, but also we should
be looking at ways of making our lives easier and reducing the load a
little. If anyone offers help, accept it! If you can afford to get someone in to help with the housework, then do! Don't feel guilty - you’re trying to manage 2 fulltime jobs so you’re entitled
to help! Get the kids and your partner
to clear up after themselves and help out too. Don't be a doormat like
me!!
Now I'm going to
go off to make a list of all the ways my family could help instead of expecting
me to do it all and moaning at me if its not done to their satisfaction! I feel a rota coming on.......
Great post. Love the strategy of focusing on the job in hand, shall try that more. ThresholdMum
ReplyDeleteI wish I could do 1/4 of what you can do.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! Your man is really lucky!
Thanks for your comments :)
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ReplyDeleteMothers Day America