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Showing posts with label Tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tips. Show all posts

Sunday, April 22, 2012

7 Coping Strategies for Working Mums


Its not easy being a fulltime working mother - not only do we have to cope with the pressures of work, but we also have a house and family to run and we live with the guilt that we're not doing any of it well enough. I'm sorry if you think the title of this post is a bit sexist - don't fathers need coping strategies too? Yes I'm sure they do, but I'm not a father, so I can’t comment on that. My husband works incredibly hard and he has his own coping strategies which are very different to mine. He works long hours and often 7 days a week in a very physically demanding job, so the running of the household (cleaning, cooking, shopping, washing and finances) is down to me as is the day-to-day sorting of the kids (remembering things for school, lifts to parties, activities, doctors appointments etc). Being a mother of 5 and running a house the size of a football pitch (no really, I'm not joking) is a fulltime job in itself - you have no idea how much washing my family generate for a start, so its a small miracle I manage to fit in working full time running our garden centre and landscaping business too.  I give a snapshot of my life in this post A Day in the life of a Mother in France  Oh, and then there's the gardening club we run and the students I find host families for from time to time and then of course I have our 3 holiday apartments to manage.  No wonder I'm finding it difficult to squeeze a bit of blogging in too, oh and what's happened to my book… it’s a work in progress!

So, what's my secret? How do I manage to keep going without buckling under the pressure. Well I'm far from perfect and sometimes I do buckle - there are times when I snap and scream and very occasionally I get to the point where I think I can't take any more, but usually I carry on regardless and still manage to enjoy life on the way.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

How to beat Lethargy


I am so brimming with ideas at the moment, I think I might burst!  It’s snowing outside and I’ve had an enforced stay at home this morning.  So, I’ve been taking this opportunity to make the beds and sort the washing (even managed to marry 25 pairs of odd socks, only another 25 to go!).  While my body has been catching up on some household chores, my mind has been brimming over with  ideas on things like – how to revitilise our gites, new business ventures, decorating projects, marketing plans, new chapters for the books I’m writing.  I’m going to have to write them all down while they’re fresh in my mind. 

It’s so strange because only a few days ago, I was the complete opposite, slumped in a chair watching dribble on TV feeling positively lethargic.  (Can you be positively lethargic?  I think perhaps negatively lethargic is more accurate a description).  We had just come back from a lovely couple of days away in Spain mixing business and pleasure without the children.  We visited new suppliers for our Garden Centre in the Spanish mountains and brought some new stock.  We took advantage of the fantastic deals in January by staying at a 4 star hotel with views over a private beach.  We watched the sun rise over the sea, relaxed in the spa, ate some wonderful food, drank some wine, had time to talk without the usual interruptions.  It was wonderful.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Step 7 - Find Time for Yourself

Day 7 of the National Blog Post Month challenge where I’m writing a blog post every day along the theme of 30 Steps to Happiness and Contentment.

This has been one of the toughest lessons for me to learn.  As a busy working mother, it's very difficult to find time for myself as you can see from an earlier post A day in the life of a Mother in France.  It's not only hard to find time but also I always felt incredibly guilty and selfish doing something for myself . There are never enough hours in the day to do everything, so how could I justify wasting precious time on me!  I think this is something that many women struggle with. 

But, earlier this year I came to the realisation that I had to find some time to myself.  I had spent so many years caring for and looking after my family, working for and supporting my husband that I had neglected myself.  We were going through a very difficult period financially and the situation was making me ill.  One of the most worrying symptoms was chest pains and after ruling out a heart problem, it was diagnosed as stress. It was important for me to find some time for myself.  What use was I to my family if I had a nervous breakdown - which is where I was heading.

The real question here was not so much 'Can I afford to find the time for myself' as 'Can I afford not to?'

I started by having Monday's off - it's the quietest day at our Garden Centre where I work full time, as many shops here are closed on a Monday.  Just having time at home alone to catch up on chores was good, but that's not really proper time to myself.  I started trying to spend at least part of the day doing something I enjoyed doing - meeting a friend for lunch, shopping or even just reading a book.  It was great just to give myself a bit a time to do whatever I wanted. I also started writing a book about our experiences as a family living in France - it's something I've been meaning to do for a long time.  

Writing has changed my life.  It's really helped me to look back over the past few years and made me think about what I want and what's important to me.  It's been a distraction and I've found that because I wasn't focusing on the negatives all the time, I started to have a different perspective on things. Now I'm coping with the stress and thankfully things are improving everyday in all aspects of my life.

I know it doesn't make sense, but I've found that finding some time for myself, has actually given me more time.  Why?  Because by taking my mind off my worries, I'm able to come back a fresh and cope with things better.  I actually get more done!

So, don't feel guilty, find time for you and you'll find you'll get things done much quicker (and if you don't manage to get everything done, so what?  That washing will still be there tomorrow!).

Monday has now been renamed Meday  This morning I'm catching up on some household chores, then I'm off to the Spa with a friend for some serious me time.  Do I feel guilty?  No I don't, because I'm worth it and so are you!


You might be interested to read the other posts in this series

Step 30 - The Key to Happiness and Contentment
Step 29 -You are the master of your own destiny
Step 28 - Don't give up on a good relationship
Step 27 - Don't Judge , Live and let live
Step 26 - Don't Worry, by happy
Step 25 - Never give up
Step 24 - Get by with a little help from your friends
Step 23 - Go with the Flow
Step 22 - Enjoy the moment
Step 21 - Love what you do
Step 20 - Forgive and Forget
Step 19 - Unconditional giving
Step 18 - Smile and the world smiles with you
Step 17 - Work to live, don't live to work
Step 16 - Surround yourself with Positive People
Step 15 - Always look on the bright side of life
Step 14 - Where there's a will there's a way
Step 13 - Silence is Golden
Step 12 - Feed your Soul
Step 11 - Follow your Dreams
Step 10 - Use your time wisely
Step 9 - Don't be too hard on yourself
Step 8 - Consider what you value most
Step 7 - Find time for Yourself
Step 6 - Make time for Family and Friends
Step 5 - Don't take yourself too Seriously
Step 4 - Feel the Fear and do it Anyway
Step 3 - Love what you Hate
Step 2 - There's no such word as CAN''T
Step 1 - Find the Best in Every Day

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Step 2 – There’s no such word as Can’t

Day 2 of the National Blog Post Month challenge where I’m writing a blog post every day along the theme of 30 Steps to Happiness and Contentment.

From an early age I always knew I had my limits.  There were certain things I just couldn’t do.  I suppose you could say I’d been brought up to know my limitations and I did (or so I thought). 

When I met my husband all this changed.  Here’s a man who believes there are no limits, for him there is no such word as “can’t”. I didn’t believe him at first, in fact it took about 9 years until I started to realise he might just be right.  I can remember the turning point for me and here’s how it happened.

I was 27 and Gary was 31, we’d been married 6 years and our two eldest children were aged 4 and 3 months.  He was in his first year at University studying for a BSc in Landscape Management.  He came home one day excited about the announcement of an opportunity to gain a Travel Bursary.  The Bursary was open to all students and the entrants had to come up with an interesting project, which required overseas travel.  The best entrants would be shortlisted and invited to give a presentation to a panel of people who would then offer a bursary of £900 to the most impressive project.  Gary had an idea to go seed collecting in China.  He’d heard of a particular variety of Acer that is only found in one specific remote part of China and he wanted to try and find it.  I can remember thinking he was mad – the chances of him winning were next to nothing, but I knew by now what he was like when he got an idea in his head and so I did all I could to support him with his application.  A few weeks later, I was surprised to learn his entry had been shortlisted to the final 8 and we had to prepare a presentation for him to give to the panel.  I still didn’t think he’d actually win, so when he came home after the day of his presentation and told me he had been awarded the Bursary, I couldn’t believe it!  It was a real awakening for me.  Up until that point I had always humoured his wild ideas and thought he was a bit of a dreamer - things like that don’t happen to ordinary people like us.  But, his winning against the odds, made me realise that if you want something badly enough, there really isn’t any reason why you can’t go for it and you may just get what you want!  We all have just as much chance as the next person in realising our dreams, you just have to believe and make the effort to attain them. 

Thinking about it now I find it hard to believe that I was so negative back then, so scared to branch out and take a chance, so sure of failure before we’d even started.  Had he listened to me he wouldn’t even have tried and would never have had the wonderful and life changing experiences he did.

I suppose that this realisation played a large part in my accepting that it is possible to live outside of the box.  We didn’t have to follow the same pattern as everyone else and maybe, just maybe, we could actually realise our dream of living abroad one day - which is exactly what we did. 

Here's my other posts in this series:
Step 30 - The Key to Happiness and Contentment
Step 29 -You are the master of your own destiny
Step 28 - Don't give up on a good relationship
Step 27 - Don't Judge , Live and let live
Step 26 - Don't Worry, by happy
Step 25 - Never give up
Step 24 - Get by with a little help from your friends
Step 23 - Go with the Flow
Step 22 - Enjoy the moment
Step 21 - Love what you do
Step 20 - Forgive and Forget
Step 19 - Unconditional giving
Step 18 - Smile and the world smiles with you
Step 17 - Work to live, don't live to work
Step 16 - Surround yourself with Positive People
Step 15 - Always look on the bright side of life
Step 14 - Where there's a will there's a way
Step 13 - Silence is Golden
Step 12 - Feed your Soul
Step 11 - Follow your Dreams
Step 10 - Use your time wisely
Step 9 - Don't be too hard on yourself
Step 8 - Consider what you value most
Step 7 - Find time for Yourself
Step 6 - Make time for Family and Friends
Step 5 - Don't take yourself too Seriously
Step 4 - Feel the Fear and do it Anyway
Step 3 - Love what you Hate
Step 2 - There's no such word as CAN''T
Step 1 - Find the Best in Every DayDay 1 - Find the best in every day
 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

30 steps to Happiness and Contentment – Step 1 Find the best in every day

I’ve decided to take part in the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Post Month) which entails committing to writing and posting a blog post every day throughout November.  The biggest challenge for me is finding the time and making it meaningful.  There’s no point blogging for the sake of it.  I’ve been struggling to come up with a strategy – mainly because it’s the holidays and I’m trying to keep my lively little ones entertained as well.  After several false starts, I’ve decided to set myself the task of writing 30 steps towards Happiness and Contentment.

Despite my busy and often stressful life (which is by no stretch of the imagination perfect), I am generally happy and contented with my lot.  I decided to reflect on and share the things I think contribute towards this and consider ways of developing it. It’s just my own thoughts – it will help me to remind myself to focus on what is good in my life and maybe it will help others on the way. So, come back everyday over the month of November if you are interested in sharing this journey with me.

Today my first step is ...

Find the best in every day

Yesterday was hard for me - I tried to pack too much into the day.  The kids were over tired and over excited with Halloween events and too much sugar and I ended up with a throbbing head.  My day started with a trip to the doctors with six year old Luc, followed by a mad dash to get tidied up and ready for a picnic, a couple of journeys with fighting kids in the back of the car, a challenging afternoon with 3 demanding children, a rush to make tea and get self and the 3 littles ones dressed and made up for Halloween trick or treating at a friends house in the evening.  It was exhausting and at the end of it I felt like a coiled spring.

But, despite that, there were many good aspects of the day for which I think it would be more useful to reflect on.  The best moments were:

  • Seeing the beauty of the early morning mists over the valley on the way to the doctors
  • The kindness of a friend who offered to watch the other children for me while I went
  • The feeling of pride watching Luc lying calmly while his stitches were removed.
  • Taking in the magnificent mountain views on the way to the park.
  • Enjoying the warmth of the late October sun.
  • Watching my children have fun
  • Sharing time with friends
  • Witnessing my 9 year old practicing negotiating skills with his younger siblings.

It’s useful to reflect on the difficulties faced and consider ways to avoid them in the future, but it’s far more uplifting to focus on the good things and there are always positive aspects of any given situation.  I think from now on every day when I go to bed, I’ll concentrate on finding the best moments of the day and go to sleep with these things in mind, rather than going over the negative aspects.  This will, in turn. set me up for a far more positive frame of mind for the following day.

How about you?  What were the best moments of your day?

Here are the other posts in this series:
Step 30 - The Key to Happiness and Contentment
Step 29 -You are the master of your own destiny
Step 28 - Don't give up on a good relationship
Step 27 - Don't Judge , Live and let live
Step 26 - Don't Worry, by happy
Step 25 - Never give up
Step 24 - Get by with a little help from your friends
Step 23 - Go with the Flow
Step 22 - Enjoy the moment
Step 21 - Love what you do
Step 20 - Forgive and Forget
Step 19 - Unconditional giving
Step 18 - Smile and the world smiles with you
Step 17 - Work to live, don't live to work
Step 16 - Surround yourself with Positive People
Step 15 - Always look on the bright side of life
Step 14 - Where there's a will there's a way
Step 13 - Silence is Golden
Step 12 - Feed your Soul
Step 11 - Follow your Dreams
Step 10 - Use your time wisely
Step 9 - Don't be too hard on yourself
Step 8 - Consider what you value most
Step 7 - Find time for Yourself
Step 6 - Make time for Family and Friends
Step 5 - Don't take yourself too Seriously
Step 4 - Feel the Fear and do it Anyway
Step 3 - Love what you Hate
Step 2 - There's no such word as CAN''T
Step 1 - Find the Best in Every Day

Friday, October 21, 2011

Love what you Hate


I know it sounds simplistic, but did you realise that if you really hate doing something, just tell yourself you love it and it won’t seem half as bad.  You might even find yourself enjoying it!  

I discovered this about a year ago.  We had a big party for New Year’s Eve, as we always do.  It was 4.30am when the last guests left, I turned round and just groaned.  We’d had entertained 30 people for a 5 course dinner followed by champagne, party poppers , drinking and dancing into the early hours, so you can imagine the site I saw.  “Never mind Nicks, I’ll clear it up in the morning” said my husband.   New Year’s Eve is my birthday and I always spend the entire day preparing and the evening serving and entertaining.  It was a good night, but I always hate the after bit.  

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Losing Weight in France

Losing weight in France
Come on, admit it.  How many of us spend much of our time either thinking of losing weight, talking about losing weight, dieting or thinking we should be dieting or saying “Oh I really shouldn’t”, but then eat it anyway. Well, I recently lost over 2 stone and as many people have been asking me how I did, I thought I'd share my secrets with you

I haven’t been slim since I had my first child over 21 years ago.  I’ve sort of hovered around size 14 – 16. In England I felt about average and even positively slim sometimes, but here I felt fat.  The first time I went into a women’s clothes shop in France, I was horrified to find that my size (which was 44 – 46 European) was put with the ‘Grande taille Femme’ (big ladies section).  Quelle horreur!